CHAPTER 1

“Dammit!” cries Soy Sauce Boy, as he pounds his fists on the side of the bed he’s sitting on. His head is hung low; his eyes are red and puffed with tears. The room was dark, with only the shallow moonlight illuminating the area. He slowly reaches over to a picture propped up on his bed-side table. He stares at it, holding it with his sausage link fingers, looking at the girl in the photo. She’s a beautiful girl, about sixteen or seventeen, only a bit older than Soy Sauce Boy. She didn’t know he took the photo, because she doesn’t really know him too much in real life. They accidentally bumped into each other in the street one day, sending Soy Sauce Boy flying straight into oncoming traffic, but he wasn’t hurt. His massive body fat acts like a shield and insulation. He’s almost impenetrable, but his emotions are still vulnerable. Her name is Gloria, he found out where she lived so he can watch her go home at nights. He claims it’s for her safety, but it seems that even that is a stretch for him. But who would have thought, that it really was for her safety after all.

After a quick sniffle, Soy Sauce Boy sat up from the bed, still clutching the picture in his hand. His eyes were still watery, but that didn’t distract one bit. He started to pace around the room, rethinking the tragic event that happened to his sweet Gloria.

“That Witch… Witch Withabee.” mumbled Soy Sauce Boy, “She took you, straight from your house. I should have been there for you. I should have watched you like I usually do, but that all you can eat buffet was so tantalizing!” He stopped for a moment, and looked at her photo again. He then felt a sense of sadness sweep over him, but there was something else dwelling beneath it. But it wasn’t hunger, and it wasn’t acid indigestion. It was hate; hate for the evil Witch Withabee. He clenched his fists tight, and felt the urge to just punch the closest thing to him, but he remembered that this was his mom’s house and if he broke anything, she’d be furious. Instead, he started to devise a plan, a rescue mission for his Gloria. “I have to do something!” He cried, still looking at her picture, “I have to rescue you!”

Soy Sauce Boy then ran to his closet, and retrieved his backpack. He dumped out all his old school books and journals, no need for school anymore. He was off to face the evil Witch Withabee; there was little hope of even returning with half his body intact. But this was a risk he was willing to take for his darling Gloria. He then ran over to his bed, and stuffed in the backpack a blanket, six bags of Cheetos, a book light, an extra pair of shoes, and finally the picture of Gloria. He then changed into his trademark Soy Sauce Boy apparel: grey sweat pants, a red shirt, and a pretty slick pair of sunglasses. He then made his way outside, but stopped for a minute.

“Hm, I’ll probably need some help with this one,” he said while tapping his chin in thought, “maybe Jason can help me out!” Soy Sauce Boy then began to strut down the street on his way to Jason’s house. The evening was turning into the morning, the sun was peeking out behind the landscape in the distance, and Soy Sauce Boy was on a mission; A mission to find Jason, his old time friend and colleague.

Jason was sitting at home, passing the time by watching the colored bars on the TV screen; it was his favorite show after all. Jason isn’t a normal boy, not by the longest long shot ever to be put on record. He was only twelve years old, but abnormal growth hormones make him look to be eighteen at the least. He is confined in a wheelchair due to an accident in Vietnam when his class took a field trip to diffuse landmines. While Jason does wish he had his legs back, he’s fine with his wheelchair, because it’s not like other chairs. This wheelchair was given to him by an old guru of handicapped fighting styles. With his wheelchair, Jason can do just about anything, except dance and limbo.

Just as the colored bar pattern on the TV was getting to the good part, there was a sudden knock on the door. Jason’s eyes grew big and wide with curiosity, and he wheeled himself over to the door. As he opened it, he saw none other than his friend Soy Sauce Boy, all sweaty and out of breath, but with a stern and somewhat angst look in the face.

“Jason!” Cried Soy Sauce Boy as he saw the crippled crime fighter, “Jason, I need your help! The evil Witch Withabee took Gloria! We need to save her from whatever it is she will do to her! Can you help me?”

Jason sat there in awe as he noticed a small squirrel running across the street behind Soy Sauce Boy. The squirrel stopped for a minute, and was smashed by an oncoming car, Jason then returned to his senses and replied, “No, I’m sorry Soy Sauce Boy, but I have to refuse your call to adventure.”

“But why, I thought you would help me out? You always help me out!” said Soy Sauce Boy in shock to Jason’s reply.

“I would, totally, but you see, I have to do my chores before I can go out and help you save her.”

“Oh, really? That’s it? Well, I can help you out if you want. I really need your help you know.”

“Okay, sure, come on in. We need to do the dishes, and then clean the bathrooms, spade the dog, and clip my nails.” Soy Sauce Boy came in without hesitation, and quickly began work around the house.

19 clean dishes, 10 trimmed fingers, 2 cleaned bathrooms, and one spade dog later, Jason was ready to embark on the adventure with Soy Sauce Boy. As they were getting ready to leave, Jason stopped Soy Sauce Boy for a question.

“Hey Soy Sauce Boy, how do you know where Gloria is? And what do you think Witch Withabee will do with her? What if she just kidnapped her because she wanted company and took her by force?”

“You know… I’m not really sure Jason.” Soy Sauce Boy then hung his head down in sorrow once again. He should have known better, trying to find Witch Withabee without any clue to where she lives, and without any idea what her true purpose was in kidnapping Gloria. He started to believe this was a lost cause.

“You know,” started Jason, “I could take you to my old master guru, Hand-Head Mushu. He’ll be able to tell you where she lives and everything!”

In a quick change of emotion, Soy Sauce Boy grew more anxious than ever. He agreed to find the great Hand-Head Mushu, in hopes of discovering Witch Withabee’s hideout. They then set out to find the old guru, which fortunately wasn’t far. In fact, he was his next door neighbor. After a quick run and scoot across the lawn, they arrived at Hand-Head Mushu’s dojo of peace, serenity, and ultimate cripple fighting. They knocked on the front door, and an old thin man answered the door. He was bald, with very fine wrinkles intertwined throughout his face. He wore an orange monk-like cloak, lined with golden lacing. He was an overall peaceful sight, except the morbidly disfigured hand protruding from the top right of his head.

“Hello Jason,” Hand-Head Mushu said in a peaceful tone of voice, somewhat calming and nice to hear in light of current events, “nice to see you today. And hello Soy Sauce Boy.”

“How do you know my name?” Soy Sauce Boy was trying to focus on the old man, but he just couldn’t get his sights off of that hand! It was just so gross, why couldn’t he just get it removed or something?

“I know a lot about you, Soy Sauce Boy. Jason here tells me all about you when we train.” Hand-Head Mushu then made a gesture for them to come into his dojo. The boys entered, sat down on his nicely crafted furniture, and explained to him about Gloria and Witch Withabee. As they concluded their story about their predicament, Hand-Head Mushu began to softly hum. He closed his eyes, and the hand on his head started to rotate in a clockwise motion.

“Hm,” said Hand-Head Mushu, with his eyes still closed, in somewhat of a meditated trance-like state “your story is true, and Gloria is in terrible danger. Witch Withabee kidnapped her, for an evil and diabolical plot against the world.” Soy Sauce Boy’s heart sank at the very thought of Gloria being in danger, especially when it’s danger that will threaten the world. “Witch Withabee has created the world’s largest toilet, capable of flooding the entire earth. Gloria is just the right size to clog the pipes perfectly, without any hope of unclogging her.” Hand-Head Mushu then opened his eyes, and fixated himself on Soy Sauce Boy, “If you wish to save her, you must obtain the one item capable of unclogging anything in the known universe.” Soy Sauce Boy nodded his head, “It’s the magical Plunger Wand. Only said to have unclogged only one other toilet in its lifetime. That certain clog is unknown to the day, but many have tried to obtain it since then, and have failed horribly. It is said to be guarded by a vicious and terrifying creature, with the ability to fly. No one has ever seen the monster and lived to tell about it. So in a way, all that was just a rumor. I’m not sure if it can really fly, honestly. That’d be pretty cool though huh?” Soy Sauce Boy sat there, taking in all he had heard from the old guru. He thought about how dangerous it was to go up against Witch Withabee, and now there’s a new obstacle for him to overcome. Would he really risk his life for Gloria, a girl he’s never formally met and loved from afar?
He then leaned in closer to Hand-Head Mushu, and asked him the question that will begin the greatest adventure of his life:

“Where can we find the Plunger Wand?”